August Reading Roundup
How we love, adapt, and sometimes get in our own way.
Hello friends,
This month’s collection ranges from prehistoric relationship wisdom to cutting-edge neuroscience and from AI awkwardly mediating couples’ squabbles to a fresh look at stoicism as emotional labor.
If there’s a theme here, it might be that connection—whether with a partner, a community, or even our own sense of self—requires curiosity, intentionality, and the occasional rethinking of old assumptions.
Evolution’s Relationship Red Flags – What ancient instincts can teach us about lasting love.
Your Many Selves – How neuroscience and philosophy converge on a multi-part mind.
Loving a Changing Partner – Staying close when growth gets uncomfortable.
AI Couples Counseling – The promise and pitfalls of asking ChatGPT to play therapist.
Gender Shifts in Healthcare – Why younger generations’ identities could transform care.
Emotionally Intelligent Men – How EQ shapes partner choice and relationship health.
Stoicism Reframed – Viewing emotional restraint as valuable labor, not toxic silence.
Under-Functioning in Love – The quiet ways we lose ourselves in relationships.
1. Five Relationship Mistakes Evolution Warns You Not to Make
Evolutionary psychology offers a surprisingly modern checklist for what not to do if you want a relationship to last. High on the list: neglecting kindness, trust, and emotional connection. These aren’t just “nice to haves”—our brains are wired to see them as essential, and missing them can trigger deep-seated threat responses. Think of it as 10,000 years of relationship wisdom boiled down to five pitfalls to avoid.
Read more here.
2. Your Brain Has More Selves Than You Might Think
Jason Shimiaie M.D. blends psychoanalysis, neuroscience, and a touch of philosophy to explore the “bundle” theory of the self—think Hume meets fMRI scans. Our minds are made up of multiple parts that light up different brain circuits depending on context. When things are going well, these selves collaborate; under stress or trauma, they can clash or fragment. Understanding this mental ecosystem could reshape how we think about identity, healing, and personal growth.
Read more here.
3. How to Stay Close to a Changing Partner
Even in the happiest relationships, it can be unsettling when your partner starts to grow in ways you didn’t expect. This piece explains why that shift can trigger fear or defensiveness—and how curiosity is a better (and more loving) response than control. The takeaway: to keep love alive over decades, learn to cheer on your partner’s evolution instead of resisting it.
Read more here.
4. Ask ChatGPT to Mediate a Fight and It Might Get Weird Fast
When a journalist and her boyfriend asked ChatGPT to help resolve a disagreement, they got some solid communication tips—plus a side of awkward. The AI reflected their conversational styles well but stumbled into gender stereotypes, over-validating one partner, and missing key emotional cues. The result? More mirror than mediator, and a reminder that technology can support but not replace human connection.
Read more here.
5. Why Younger Generations’ Redefinition of Gender Matters for Healthcare
A massive Dutch study of over 63,000 adults found younger and female participants express more diversity in gender identity and roles than older or male peers. While nearly everyone identified as cisgender, almost half of young women didn’t fully align with traditional femininity. These shifts matter because gender influences how people experience symptoms, seek treatment, and access care—meaning health systems may need to adapt to serve a broader spectrum of identities.
Read more here.
6. Emotionally Intelligent Men Are Choosing Better Partners
Men with high emotional intelligence aren’t just regulating their own feelings well—they’re using that skill to choose partners who do the same. These relationships tend to be calmer, more secure, and built on mutual trust, with both partners steering clear of unnecessary drama. The research suggests EQ isn’t just about self-mastery—it’s about relationship mastery, too.
Read more here.
7. Stoicism is Emotional Labor
We often hear that male stoicism is a sign of emotional repression. Philosopher Olúfẹ́mi Táíwò offers a different view: stoicism can be a form of emotional labor—deliberate restraint that serves the community, prevents escalation, and maintains order. Rather than discarding it wholesale, he suggests we refine and value this skill as part of a balanced emotional repertoire.
Read more here.
8. Are You Disappearing in Your Relationship?
If you chronically defer, avoid expressing needs, or lean on your partner to do the emotional heavy lifting, you might be “under-functioning” in love. Psychologist Mark Travers describes two subtle but damaging patterns that erode selfhood and intimacy alike—and offers ways to reclaim your voice without tipping into conflict.
Read more here.
Final Thoughts
This month’s readings reminded me that love isn’t static—it’s a living, evolving process that asks us to keep showing up with awareness, adaptability, and courage. Whether that means honoring ancient instincts, exploring the many parts of your mind, or simply practicing curiosity in the face of change, the work is ongoing—and worth it.
Which of these stood out to you most? I’d love to hear your thoughts.